MARKI  sent me an e-mail days a ago saying(its a forward one that says)=

Strong Woman Vs A Woman of Strength

A strong woman works out every day to
keep her body in shape...

But a woman of strength builds relationships to keep her soul in shape.

A strong woman isn't afraid ofanything....

But a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear.

A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her....

But a woman of strength gives the best of herself to everyone.

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future...

But a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be unexpected
blessings and capitalizes on them.

A strong woman wears a look of confidence on her face...

But a woman of strength wears grace.

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey...

But a woman of strength has faith that  it is in the journey that she will become strong.

 

it MIGHT be right a women should not be afraid of anything..bla bla bla whatever is written up there^

but actually these days made me believer thats it is all wrong and completely rong....it made me hopeless ..i cant believe anything going on i cant trust anybody around me...

everythin everybody....they all make me feel BAAAAAAAAAAAD BAAAAAAAAD....i never thought that i will get into such a depression and mesiry....

i just feel im not ok..i really need a psychiatrist

i guess marki can help in such a thing..

the reason is(OR SHOULD I SAY REASONS)(BUT IM NOT GOING TO TALK BOUT THEM IN DETAILES)BUT I CAN SAYTHAT THE MAIN THING IS THAT PPL BELIEVE  that nothing im doing is right...nothing....not working not teaching not studying not eating sleeping talking walking.....everything is  W R O N G.

NO BODY LIKES WHAT IM DOING...IM ALWAYS BEEN SHOUTED AT.FROM ALL...NOT ONLY MY PARENTS..EVEN STRANGERS...THEY THING  THAT I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING AND THEY KEEP TELLING ME EVERYSTEP I MAKE IS A DESASTER...AND THAT IM SO FOOLISH AND UNWISE IN EVERYTHING...they r driving ME NUTS AND MAD IM NOT GOING TO BE A NORMAL PERSON ANYMORE SOON...

IM EITHER SLEPING THESE DAYS OR CRYING ,WORKING  AND DOING MISTAKES(AS THEY SAY WHILE I FIND EVERYTHING I DO IS OK AND NORMAL )=AND GETTING  SHOUTED AT...

DUNNO WHAT TO DO ...IM NOT EATING WELL..I BARELY DRINK WATER ...MAYBE 1/4 ML EVERYDAY..IMAGINE...IF I DONT GET CRAZY SOON ILL DIE COZ OF A BAD HEALTH.....BUT THEY DONT SEE THAT AND FEEL IT THEY JUST SHOUT AND SHOUT AND BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHING ...MY LIFE IS SHIT...I THINK IM GOING TO STOP WORKING SOON,MAYBE TS THE BEST WAY TO KEEP AWAY THE BAD WORDS FROM ME...

MAYBE THEY R RIGHT..IM NOT WISE AND NEED  ALOT TO LEARN...BUT NOT IN THIS WAY ...NOT DIRECTLY AND THAT SUDDENLY..NOT LIKE THAT...I SWEAR THEY R GOING TO LOSE ME IN THIS WAY THEY R TREATING ME...I SWEAR , AND MARKI CAN TELL...I USED TO BE SMILING ALL THE TIME AND DONT GIVE A FUCK FOR ANYTHING HAPPENS OR ANYBODY ..I LOOKED SO JOYFUL AND LIKE ENISCENT BABIES, AN ALSO USED TO TALK ALOT AND ALOT I USED TO SHARE EVERYBODY EVERYTHING MY OPINIONE ...EVERY SINGLE THING...BUT NOW I BARELY TALK ..I FEEL LIKE IF IM GONNA SAY ANYTHING ITS GONNA APEARE WTONG...I DONT HAVE A SELFCONFIDENCE ANYMORE,....IM SCARED I LOSE IT FOR EVER...IM NOT THAT  TYPE OF GULS...

I LOVE TO LIVE MY LIFE HAPPILY THE WAY I WANT IT....

BUT.......

 

 

 

 

 

.........................................................MY TEARS TALK BOUT ME MORE NOW NOT MY WORD ANYMORE .....

 

 

I JUST WANNA GET OUT OF HERE........I DONT WANT TO LIVE IN SUCH A CIRCUMSTANCE...ILL GET I N S A N E.......

OR WANNA KILL MY SELF...COZ I SWEAR THAT OTHER DAY ..(I MIGHT BE CRAZY TO SAY IT,AND MUST NOT..BUT I DONT CARE ANYMORE IM NOT SHAME OF IT ...COZ LOST ALL MY FEELINGS THSES DAYS I SWEAR)SO THAT OTHER DAY MY MUM WAS SHOUTING AT ME COZ OF SOMETHING SILLY...U WONT BELIEVE IT SHE GOT MAD COZ I STAYED MUCH IN THE SHOWER TAKING A BATH....SO SHE WAS SHOUTING OUTSIDE AND IM SHOWERING....BUT I COULDNT HOLD IT ANYMORE I COULDNT HEAR HER ANYMORE SO I GOT MAD AND LOST MY MIND...AND BELEIVE IT OR NOT  I HIT MY HEAT WITH THE WALL OF THE BATHROOM AND GOT DIZZY AND WAS ABOUT TO FAINT INSIDE ALONE...THATNK GOD NOTHIING MUCH HAPPENED...EXCEPT THAT I MIGHT COMMIT SUICIDE 1 DAY..

SHE HEARD THE WALL GETTING HIT BY ME AND SHE STILL DIDNT CARE SHE KNEW IT AND ONLY SAID..(YES U CRAZY HIT UR SELF)......AND WALKED AWAY.......IS SHE A MOM A MOTHER .....SOMETIMES I JUST FEEL  SHE IS NOT MY REAL MOTHER COZ SHE NEVER TREATS ME AS HER LOVELY DAUGHTTER ...NEVER EVER SHE SIAD A NICE WORD TO ME.....

EXCEPT OFFCOURSE FEW TIMES SHE WAS NICE AND LOVELY AND I WISHED SHE STAYES THAT WAY FOR EVER...IF U SEE HER WHEN SHE IS NICE TO ME ...TREATING ME AS A GROWAN UP AND GETS ME STUFF..BAL BLA BLA ...U WONT BELIEV ITS  THE SAME PERSON THAT SAYS SUCH A THING NOW....

I DONT KNOW IF TS REALLY ME THAT BAD ....THEY R MAKING ME BELIEVE THAT IM WOTHLESS PERSON CRAZY AND UNWISE....BUT EVEN IF THAT WAS WRGHT...THEY SHOULD HAVE FEELINGS TOWARD ME AND TEACH ME HOW TO GET A  BETTER PERSON IN A NICE WAY....AND AT THE END THEY SAY ITS ALL FOR MY BENIFIT..AND THEY WANT THEIR DAUGHTER THE BEST...HEHE THATS MAKES ME LAUGHT..THEY MAKE SOME 1 THE BEST BY LETTING HIM LOSE HIS MIND RIGHT....!!!

ANYWAYS I CANT HOLD IT ANYMORE...I CANT STOP CRYING ...ISN`T IT ENOUGHT THAT IN MY BEST AGE IM LIVING IN SUCH A FUCKING ENVIROMENT AND PLACE ...AND COUNTRY..WHERE U CANT BE NORMAL AND CAN NEVER BREATH FREELY...ISNT IT ENOUGHT THAT I HAVE TO GET A TAXI EVERYDAY BACK FROM MY WORK ALONE.......

 

TELL ME ANSWER ME......

I REALLY NEED UR EVERYPERSONS HELP IN HERE........................

BUT U KLNOW WHAT ITS ALL WORTHLESS..ITS ALL MY FATE...

THEN EVEN IF U R GOING TO HELP I`LL PROBABLY BE DEAD BY THE TIME I HAVE TO GET UR ADVISES COZ I BARELY GO ONLINE THSES DAYS AS U SEE..........

I DONT WANT U TO GET INTO A DIPRESSION NOW COZ OF MY FUCKING PROBLEMS...PLEASE FOR WHO EVER READS THIS...READ IT NOW AND FORGET IT NOW TOO............I WANT U ALL TO LIVE NICE LIVES COZ I WILL FEEL THAT SAME GOOD IF U R ...OK..

THEN NO 1 CAN FEEL WHAT IM FEELING RIGHT NOW...MAY BE FEW...BUT IF MY PARENTS DONT FEEL ME WHO IS GOING TO...??!!!!!

 

ANYWAYS...

 

PEACE OUT .

 

 U MIGHT THING I WAS EXAGERATING ....BUT NO IM NOT AT ALL.....BUT I STILL SAY I MIGHT BE WRONG AND BAD AND UNWISE AS THEY SAID ...BUT I BELIEVE THAT IM REALLY NOT WELL...

 

oh my god Hala!!!
I am so sooooooooo sorry!
I know how it is to be living in Saudi Arabia.
I also complain about losing 3 years of my life out there
and i can't imagine how i'd be if i lived there all my life like u
i'm so sorry that all this shit is happening. I really don't know what to tell you.
do NOT even CONSIDER dropping college. If you think that stopping ur job will help YOU then consider that. if it's because of the others i don't see why u should. if u can handle the workload of school and work then good for u. y is it anybody else's business. but then again, if the environment (especially in the house) is always like shit (people being mad at u, and yelling, or not talking to u) i don't know... if u know what would make them a little less mean maybe u should do it.
still i've always been the "fuck it" kinda girl and i don't think u should do things to please others if they don't please YOU first...

I want to call you. When I call without the 0 between 5 and 7 it won't let me. wen i put the 0 u say u don't get a call while i hear the phone ringing.
do u even get my messages?

anyhow... i will try and contact you...

PLEASE DO NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT SUICIDE AGAIN!!!
You have to find stability. It's not normal too be chipper (extremely joyful) and then suddenly clinically depressed. try to be somewhere in between. I cannot ask u to be happy. i was never happy in saudi arabia.
what i have to tell u though is that SUICIDE IS NOT AN OPTION. that's what weak people do. people who cannot face their problems. AND UR NOT ONE OF THEM!! OK? We will figure this out together... and hang out with Hauwa more. don't stay all the time house-work-college-house-work-college...

I LOVE YOU MY FRIEND!!!

and about people who shout at you:

do not listen to them
when they start shouting just ignore and if they lower their tone, only then should you listen to what they have to say (which does not mean that u have to agree).

a person who shouts is a person who doesn't have support to back up what he/she is saying and doesn't think that he/she can convince by talking to u nicely (probably coz what they have to say is dumb) so they shout to get their point across by intimidating you.
what you should do when this happens, whether it's your dad, boss, or collegue (in school or work) is tell them exactly what i told u about people who shout:
say that "if u had a strong support for what you are trying to expalin to me you wouldn't be shouting. u'd be saying it in a nice manner. as long as ur going to remain IMMATURE (because it's immaturity to yell) I'm not going to listen to a word you say". If they continue shouting WALK AWAY. If they start speaking a a RESPECTFUL (and i emphasize that: RESPECTFUL) tone only then should u give them ur full attention...